The List

1. The 2008 University of Chicago Scavenger Hunt List. [1 point]
2. Transport Item 1 from deep inside your bazaar of wonders to a Judge using pneumatic tubes. [30 points]
3. Play the Scav Hunt Theme Song on that hurdy gurdy you’ve built! [59 points]
4. You know what Turkey has that Scav Hunt doesn’t? That’s right. A national shadow puppet play. Pick your two favorite Scav characters to narrate and perform a satirical rendition of the history of the Hunt. [9 points]
5.Film the reaction of a sitting member of the Committee on Social Thought to the short film “2 Girls 1 Cup”. [2 points 1 bonus point]
6.Lil’ Betsy, Not Lil’ Betsy, and just to make sure we know what we’re talking about here, Samosa. Good luck getting your bag back, though. [6 points]
7.Minneapolis Rock City! The Cowardly Lion should wedge himself in the crack of that pretty sweet ass-rock on the way in. [12 points]
8.TBEh?
9.Sean Connery drinking water out of a leather glove. [3 points]
10.Get the Rock-a-fire Explosion to perform the Scav Hunt Theme Song. [36 points]
11.A Philco–Ford TM Hip-Pocket Record player. [19 points, 51 bonus points if the Scav Hunt Theme Song is rendered into Hip-Pocket Record format]
12. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. . . STEVE BALLMER!!! [1 I LOVE THIS SCAVHUNT POINT]
13. Maglev a guitar into. . . Space! What? Too difficult? Oh, okay, impossible, well, I guess you can at least Maglev a guitar into. . . IDA NOYES! [40 points]
14. Dammit if Scav Hunt doesn’t have the hardest time getting up those impossible hills in Hyde Park. If only we had a funicular to ease our ascent. . . [43 points]
15. “Are you my mother?” The Scarecrow suckles from the scratchy sisal teat of the World’s Largest Ball of Twine. [5 points]
16. A Mummer. [14 points]
17.Have a beer with:
a. A former candidate for civic office (e.g. Larry Doody) [5 points]
b. A current candidate for city-wide office (e.g. Barbara Currie) [10 points]
c. A current candidate for state-wide office (e.g. Will Burns) [25 points]
d. A current candidate for national office (e.g. Jesse Jackson, Jr.) [50 points]
e. A current candidate for POTUS (e.g. Barack Obama) [100 points]
18. A parade balloon representing a cartoon dog of your choice. Must be up to Macy’s Thanksgiving Day standards. [150 points †]
19. A completed copy of the Simple Space Scavenger Hunt (Ages 10 and under). [4 points]
20. Have your pre-selected Scav Warrior outside the Reynolds Club at 3:30 a.m. Thursday morning. They must be alone and they may not have any extraneous packages, bags or accessories. And, since it will be late into the evening, the attire for this event is evening-wear. Evening-wear with a bathing suit
underneath. [α points]
21. Remember when you were in elementary school and you had to make a model of a volcano out of papier-mache and baking soda? Well, do that again. Only really big. There is a limit on the number of points you can win, but there’s no limit on how big your volcano can be. [45 points]
22. A wicker phallus. Size matters. [2 points per foot, no fucking limit]
23. “Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas any more.” No, but you will be before the end of the day. At 9:00 AM Thursday in Hutchinson Courtyard, present your team of Wayward Sons: Dorothy, the Scarecrow, the Cowardly Lion, and the Bat. They must be ready to travel over the rainbow in a flying house featuring a storm cellar door, chimneyed roof, picket fence, and the legs of that wicked witch you just ran over. Although if you happen to own a yellow Buick Roadmaster you can just use that, and follow it. Follow follow follow follow follow the yellow Buick Roadmaster. “Boat leaves at 9:30. . . or maybe you don’t want to see the second largest ball of twine on the face of the Earth, which is only fourteen
short hours away?” [ϕ points. All Road Trip items requiring photo- or videographic documentation must include a member of the Wayward Sons in full costume or no points will be awarded]
24. Can you paint–by–numbers with all the colors of the wind? [4 points]
25. In an attempt to rectify the popular conception of Scavvies as godless onanists, we’d like you to bring us a candle, prayer card, locket, commemorative afghan, or any other piece of religious memorabilia— as long as it depicts the Holy Prepuce. [6 to 12 points]
26. Who signed the Greyhound Hall of Fame guestbook on 26 April 2008? [2 points]
27.Oh, I wonder wonder wonder what’s in a WonderBall TM? No, really, what’s in there? The more
surprised I am, the more points you get. [30 or fewer points]
28.Clicking your heels together is so 1939. This time, Dorothy’s taking a space capsule to Oz, and you’ve
got the photo to prove it. [3 points]
29. Master the plastic recorder, Drumline style. I want “The Flight of the Bumblebee”, and there had
better be cheerleaders. [30 points]
30. Give us the first few pages or storyboards for the touching story of an uncommonly gentle man: Edward
C. Eleghands. [6 points]
31. “It’s a madhouse! A maaaaaaadhouse!” The Scarecrow’s left Arkham and taken up operations at the castle home of America’s first space [flying] monkey. [3 points]
32. A disgruntled beekeeper. [11 points]
33. Have a potato break the sound barrier. [8 points]
34. The Cowardly Lion’s got the Kansas City Blues. Stand on the corner of 12′th
Street and Vine and have you a whole bottle of wine. [9 points. 7 bonus points for a crazy little woman — you’d best get you one]
35. A Badtz–Maru TM or My Melody TM vibrator. [4 points]
36. Strings, Sealing Wax, and Other Fancy Stuff : mixed media at its finest. [4 points]
37. Follow in the footsteps of Shake ‘n’ Bake Jake. Have your Wayward Sons storm the lighthouse in Hannibal. [4 points]
38. Carmen Miranda’s banana hammock. [3 points]
39. We expect a pretty sweet-ass volcano for Item 21, but we also want a pretty sweet ass-volcano. Make us a vinegar and baking soda volcanus. And just so things are perfectly clear: no, we don’t want you to make an exploding model of an ass. We want you to make a model of a volcano. WITH. YOUR.
ASS. [23 points]

40. A bust of Abraham Lincoln made out of pennies. [20 points]
41. A mouse maze of revolving doors. Points will only be awarded if the mouse gets cheese. [27 points]
42. CJ Minard made a map, a very famous map. Douglas MacArthur organized a campaign, an infamous campaign. Please plot the United States’ advance into and retreat from North Korea using Minard’s form. You determine how you would like to illustrate the Chinese intervention. [15 points]
43. I promise not to tell the Pottsylvanians if only you will bring me a chunk of Upsidasium! [3 points]
44. 一张北大学生证 (yi zhang bei da xue sheng zheng -Maroon transliteration)[4 points]
45. Put your captain through the Weinerizer! [6 points]
46.
I just love puppet shows. Make ready your miniature temple and chinampas because we’re reliving
Tenochtitlan’s former glory as well as its precarious downfall. Of course the show would not be complete
without puppet Cortez, puppet Montezuma, and ritual human — err, puppet — sacrifice. Catch is,
the city has to float. [37 points]
47.
Dictionaries are fun, and I’ve got a game to prove it: I supply the dictionary, and you supply a quick
wit. When I flip to a page, you have three minutes to puzzle out a definition for the word I give you.
The thing is, it won’t be any word you’ve ever heard of. It will be the compound word I get by putting
together the two words at the top of the page. Three rounds, best definition gets points. [5 points per
round]
48.
Have two team members play the Theme Song with four hands on one guitar at the same time. [13
points]
49.
You may be a diva, but can you Diva Dance? [16 points]
50.
Weave a basket underwater. [8 points]
51.
A De Lorean. We’ve got seventy-five bucks riding on this one. [You’ve got seventy-five points riding
on this one]
52.
Get Obama’s haircut at Obama’s barbershop. [6 points]
53.
Modern, post-modern, post-post-modern, and post-post-post-modern works of art representing the
same historical figure of your choice. [14 points]
54.
During the Blood Drive, at least one person of each Rhesus blood type donates on behalf of your team.
[5/37.4 points for O+, 5/35.7 points for A+, 10/8.5 points for B+, 5/6.3 points for A–, 5/1.5 points
for B–, and 5/0.6 points for AB–]
55.
Sometime during the Hunt, pull a Greg Packer. [1 point]
56.
A zeusaphone. [300 points †]
57.
Scarecrow, try to imagine yourself in the Cretaceous Period. You get your first look at this “six
foot turkey made of car parts” as you enter a clearing. He moves like a bird made of car parts,
lightly, bobbing his head. And you keep still because you think that maybe his visual acuity is based
on movement like a T. rex made of car parts, and he’ll lose you if you don’t move. But no, not
Velociraptor. You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that’s when the attack comes. Not
from the front but from the side, from the other raptor made of car parts you didn’t even know was
there. Because Velociraptor’s a pack hunter, you see, he uses coordinated attack patterns and he is
out in force today. And he slashes at you with this — a six-inch retractable car part, like a razor, on
the middle toe. He doesn’t bother to bite your jugular like a lion, say. . . no, no. He slashes at you
here. . . or here. . . or maybe across the belly, spilling your intestines. The point is, you are alive when
they start to eat you. So, you know, try to show a little respect. [8 points]

58.
Half of a bowling ball. [16 points]
59.
Postage of as many USD denominations as possible. [1 point per denomination, 5 bonus points per
CSA denomination]
60.
The blatant lie that is Tom Sawyer’s fence. [2 points]
61.
Confirmed delivery of mail to Centralia, PA. [13 points]
62.
A receipt from either of the now-defunct Hyde Park Co-ops along with a receipt for the same foodstuffs
from one of their successors. [3 points per dollar saved]
63.
A Helen or rose of felt. [1 point] A nancy’s ray gun. [2 points] A ladybird’s johnson. [3 points]
64.
“I’m an oil lion, and I’m a family lion. So, ladies and gentlemen, if I say I’m a cowardly lion you will
agree. I have a competition in me. I hate most people.” In front of an oil derrick somewhere in Kansas,
he drinks your milkshake. He drinks it up! [9 points]
65.
A potato silencer. [007 points]
66.
Catch a heretofore undiscovered mountweazel in its natural habitat. [22 points]
67.
Eighty-six 1986 pennies. [19.86 points]
68.
Hey there, champ. Remember high school, when you were hot stuff? I hope your mom saved your
MAΘ or JCL national tournament award, ‘cuz now it’s all you have left. [9 points]
69.
Bring the World’s Smallest Version of the World’s Largest Scavenger Hunt to the World’s Largest
Collection of the World’s Smallest Versions of the World’s Largest Things. [18 points]
70.
A cicada carapace. [4 points]
71.
Fix the CTA
R
! Duct tape together two different stations of the El. [9 points]
72.
Kick it old school with a paper airplane distance contest. Airplanes must be judged “pretty much
all paper” and cannot fly under their own power. [2 points. 15, 10, and 5 bonus points for the first
through third place finishes]
73.
A double-belled euphonium. [76 points]
74.
A telescope of at least 12” aperture, to be brought to the top of the University Parking Garage roof
at 12:01am Sunday (homemade allowed). [68 points]
75.
Sexdactyly. [6 points]
76.
Spend a night in a major Chicago museum, `a la From The Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler.
[24 points]
77.
Scav Hunt? More like Scav Bundt! So begins the ongoing culinary challenge we like to call Scav Top
Chef. Choose and be-toque a champion from your ranks to compete in the gauntlet of food preparatory
activities we have, ah, cooked up for you. Your Top Chef may have as many sous-chefs and sauciers as
necessary back at headquarters to help out, but a single, consistent Top Chef must represent the public
face of cooking for your team at all major events and be prepared to present and describe dishes, do
battle with rival chefs, and the like. The first challenge is the aforementioned homemade Scav bundt
cake, to be given to the Judges at the Samurai Showdown. Upon receipt of this cake, the Judges will
reveal the next Top Chef Challenge, and this procedure will continue throughout the Hunt, culminating
in the epic cooking challenges described in Items 170 and 154. [γ points]
78.
The Wayward Sons celebrate their Independence in Kiddie Land: Dorothy writhes inside a hippo’s
jaws, the Scarecrow occupies a giant shoe, the Bat surveys the land atop the castle ramparts, and the
Cowardly Lion has a ‘tea party’ featuring ‘oral steeping’ with the anatomically-correct lion statue. [9
points]
4

79.
The prank call of Cthulhu. [1 point]
80.
This is Woowon Kang. . . he knows EVERYTHING. But does he know why kids love the great taste of
Cinnamon Toast Crunch
TM
? [6 points, 3 bonus points for his thoughts on “How they cram all that
graham”]
81.
There are ever-present dangers in our chosen competition. That’s why you’ll be filming a Scav-Safety
film, done in the style of the immortal 1963 One Got Fat. [15 points]
82.
A hematogen bar. [7 points]
83.
It’s Twaining Day in the Mark Twain Historical Mark Twain District. Show us the Scarecrow in front
of the Samuel Clemens Memorial Pepsi Machine. If you don’t go for the Mountwain Dew, you’ll get
no Clemency from us. [3 points]
84.
A mummy. [2-ply points]
85.
How Dagwood Splits the Atom. [8 points]
86.
You can keep your Jaguars and your CD-Is, and your 3DOs and what have you. . . in my day, there
was only one title that mattered: King of the Arcade! Send a single pretender to prove themselves a
revolutionary dancer, a USA Cruiser, a King of Kong, a skee-balla, and the one best suited to keep a
certain house dead (II)! At 2:30pm Thursday, you’ll need to bring a fistful ($10) of quarters and nerves
of steel to Dave & Buster’s. [30, 20, 10 points to the most winning contestants]
87.
Actually, if you’re keeping a Jaguar, CD-I, or 3DO, we’d like to see them too. [9 points per console, 6
bonus points for that nightmare fuel they dared call a Zelda game]
88.
There are no atheists in foxholes. . . except of course for the Fightin’ Godless 156
th
! They’ll need a
patch. [4 points]
89.
Greetings, Aperture Science Test Subject #3252613. You need a friend, one that cannot speak, and
thus will never threaten to stab you. Please construct a fully-functional weighted companion cube. For
the best one, there will be cake. [9 points]
90.
We’ve searched long and hard for a blade worthy of the title Ex-scav-iber, a Scav crest emblazoned
upon its hilt. Sadly, it doesn’t seem to be in existence. I guess it’s up to you elves to forge a sword
yourselves. [65 points]
91.
TBA
92.
Have your Wayward Sons re-enact the opening theme from Friends in Kansas City’s fountain district.
[20-something points]
93.
Too often our resident That Guys have had to choose either showering or class reading. Not anymore,
though, now that you’ve waterproofed the western canon! [16 points]
94.
Re-cut scenes from Scavengers to create trailers of the following: A Slasher/Horror film, A Straight-
to-DVD Teen Sex Romp, and Rambo IV. [4 points per film]
95.
Elan the Bard’s deity of choice. Yay! [4 points]
96.
La Scav aux Folles: Scav knows we are what we are, and what we are is an illusion. We love how it
feels, putting on heels, causing confusion. In this spirit, your team will present to us a person, done
up as genderqueer as possible, who shall perform their favorite diva number in celebration of our, as
the French would say, Joie de Vivre. These acts will be judged on both their inherent quality, as well
as the number of judges you fool into thinking your woman dressed as a man dressed as a woman is
actually a man dressed as a woman dressed as a man dressed as a woman, or vice versa. . . we’ll take
your word on the correct answer. Friday, 2:30 in the Reynolds Club 3rd floor Design Lab [θ points]
97.
Buffalo Soldier, in the heart of Junction City-a. [3 points]
5

98.
“If they manage to complete Item 56, I’ll eat my shoe!”
99.
Follow the Yellow Twine Trail down Cawker City’s mainstreet and show us Dorothy in front of the
painted Twinehenge. It’s Stonehenge, only made out of twine! Don’t you understand? [2 points]
100.
Chew on a dog! [4 points]
101.
You can take the points, or you can have what’s in this box! (“The box! The box!”)
102.
A giant foam capsule. Like, man-sized. Also, a basin of hot water so that a Judge can ‘hatch’ it. [22
points]
103.
Baby. Answers to “Baby”. Still lost. TRY TO GRAB HER. [$100, 100/10 points]
104.
Hall of Scrote action figures with lobster-pointing action. [4 points per figure, 4 figures max, 6 bonus
points for being featured on the site]
105.
There’s always room for Jell–O
R
! [50 points]
106.
A prehensile tail on a team member at Judgment. [17 points]
107.
A cop with three days left until retirement. That same cop, three days later, alive and well. [13 points]
108.
Mummify something. Properly, with documentation of each step. [15 points]
109.
AntelopeClix Collectible Figure Game Starter Set. Must include the ultra-rare Dik-Dik figure. [17
points]
110.
A recreation of Michelangelo’s Birth of Man or Picasso’s Guernica. In tooth marks. On your back.
[32 points]
111.
Have the adult of a holometabolous insect emerge from its pupal phase at Judgment. [Points based on
species of insect, e.g. 1 point for a fruit fly, 10 points for a beautiful butterfly]
112.
Record the Scarecrow’s eugoogooly of Rufus, Brint, and Meekus at the Freak Gasoline Fight Accident
Memorial in Riverside Park. [6 points]
113.
Create and maintain a team compost heap. Said heap should also give out sage advice. [23 points]
114.
A properly mounted spiderweb. Points based on size and geometric elegance. [No more than 20 points]
115.
The Cowardly Lion sniffing at the deer leg menorah. Dorothy looking up at the chair tree, wondering if
a twister put them there. The Scarecrow studying a box of skulls, hoping to add to his list of phobias.
Finally, the Bat admiring the demonic Dragonmobile and wondering if it has rocket boosters. [4 points]
116.
We’d like to go Walking With Dinosaurs at Judgment. Dinosaurs must be life-sized. And while we
recognize the vast breadth of saurischian diversity, for the purposes of this item it isn’t life-sized if it
isn’t at least 10 feet long. [34 points]
117.
Violate the Three Laws of Rowboatics. [3 points per rule broken]
118.
I know how much you like clowns, so I made you this canoe. Now you can laugh yourself to camp! [70
points]
119.
Execute The Plan! [38 points]
120.
Chew on a dog. . . statue at the Greyhound Hall of Fame. [4 points]
121.
The World’s Smallest Version of Carhenge. It’s Carhenge, only made out of small! Don’t you under-
stand? [2 points. 2 bonus points for photographs of the World’s Smallest Versions of other objects
seen on this and previous Road Trips]
122.
If your team successfully completes Item 56, prepare a Judge’s shoe for consumption `a la Werner
Herzog. Appropriate music necessary. [11 points]
6

123.
A synaesthetic synthesizer. [50 points]
124.
A computer virus that does little to my computer’s ability to function but scares the living hell out of
me. [Windows 9.5 points]
125.
A ray-gun with the big elliptical reflector and everything, only the ray is made of sound. Don’t hurt
anyone, but if you’re firing at me, the beam should sound a lot louder to me than it does to the guy a
few feet away. [13 points]
126.
A picture of your Wayward Sons standing in the footsteps of Eugene A. Cernan. [1 small point for
each Son]
127.
A tiny mechanical keychain egg depicting the judgment of item X, where X is the item on this year’s
list that would be the best tiny mechanical keychain egg. [21 points]
128.
A desk lamp bearing a strong resemblance to a certain luminaire. You know, like you might find in
Queens. If this were 1964. [19.64 Points Through Understanding]
129.
NEW “TALKIN’ WHACK-OFF” HUMEFUCKER ACTION FIGURE!! COMES WITH OVER 553
INTOLERABLE MONOLOGUES, 60 OF WHICH HAVE THE WORD ‘EPISTEMOLOGY’ IN THEM!!!
NOW THAT GUY CAN ALWAYS GET THE LAST WORD!!!!
From HUMA
R
. Each sold seperately.
[HUMA 16.100 points]
130.
A stained sugar-glass window. [2 points per square foot] Also, a badass action sequence, like a totally
gnarly BMX move where you crash through the window, or something. . . like that. . . yeah. [10 points]
131.
Communicate with your team captain from outside the Hall of Judgment using (approximately) a
record player, radio, coat hanger, umbrella, coffee can, rotary saw blade, wires, and a Speak & Spell.
[14 points]
132.
A point-and-click adventure taking place in the University of Chicago building of your choice. [32
points, 8 bonus points and an iHug if you use Hypercard]
133.
A Nixie clock. [57 points]
134.
The Cowardly Lion would be shocked to learn of the murderous machinations of the munchkins. Show
us the letter in the Oz Museum that proves it. [11 points]
135.
A robot programmed to love. [3 points per tear that your robot’s cuteness draws from my eye. −300
points if ‘love’ involves a vibrator]
136.
The Blues Brothers set future Chicagoans up for a major disappointment: since moving here, I have
never once seen enormous groups of strangers moved, as if part of a flash mob, to spontaneously burst
into elaborately choreographed song-and-dance numbers in iconic locations. Fix that. [28 points]
137.
A remote control Dodge Shadow, Ford Windstar, Chevy Celebrity, Buick Roadmaster, Mercury Sable,
or whichever tin can you drove around in high school. [16 points]
138.
The Cowardly Lion with Mammut, the Bat with Eryops, and Dorothy being carried off by Pteranodon
in Dinosaur Not-So-National Park. [6 points]
139.
“Getting to know you…” When they’re not busy being incorrigible scalawags and crazed tinkers, your
teammates can be surprisingly kind to passersby on the Quads. From 10:15am to 3:15pm Thursday and
Friday, they gallantly shelter complete strangers from Weathorr’s fury, employing umbrellas or parasols
as appropriate. And since this is Scav, they won’t stop there in the spirit of selfless volunteerism! Show
the campus that Scav Hunt runs the best little escort service in Illinois and they’ll never forget the
time spent under your um-ber-ella. [ϵ points]
140.
Journey to the center of GoogleEarth (Mac Edition). [3 points]
141.
On some roadside in middle-of-nowhere Kansas, plant a placard displaying your team name and “Pop-
ulation: This Guy!” Bring us back an appropriate photograph with one of your Wayward Sons, but
leave the sign. [9 points]
7

142.
We know to let the wookiee win. Use your wookiee once at Scav Olympics and choose one event wisely
because your wookiee must place in the top three to earn points equal to the winner’s.
1
[40 points for
a first place finish, 30 points for a second or third place finish]
143.
Fuck Topeka. [0 points]
144.
Scav Hunt ain’t rocket science, nor brain surgery. Or is it? There’s only one way to find out: enlist a
rocket scientist and a brain surgeon in the completion of an item and have them determine the answer
once and for all (once and for all!) [10 points]
145.
When I was a little kid, I kinda had this problem. And it’s not even that big of a deal, something
like 8 percent of kids do it. For some reason — I don’t know why — I would just kinda. . . sit around
all day. . . and draw pictures of dicks. I was very secretive about this whole dick operation. Even I
thought I was fucking crazy. Imagine what everyone else would think? So I would stash all my dick
drawings in this Ghostbusters lunchbox that I had. But now I’ve lost it. Could you find it for me? [5
points]
146.
Rebrand Cholie’s and make sure your new design is up to the standards of the discerning folks at
Brand New. [9 points]
147.
Get Milk! Points per species and none of that pasteurized shit. Use it to wash down Item 154. And
don’t be lazy, milk it yourself. [5 points per species, 10 species max]
148.
A bottle of Original flavor barbecue sauce from Arthur Bryant’s. We opine that it’s got “zorp”. [15
points]
149.
How many housing rules can you break in one moment? We don’t care. How many can your RA break,
that we care about. Your RH? Your AD? Sherry Gutman? Points per rule violation. [R × I points,
where R =number of rule violations and I = 1 point for an RA, 2 points for an RH, 5 points for an
AD, 10 points for Katie Callow Wright and 20 for Sherry Gutman. Note that if we’ve seen Sherry
Gutman smoking a joint on a fire escape we don’t care about anything Jim Wessel does so only bring
us rule violations by one person.]
150.
Cow tools. [1 point]
151.
Prairie girls be pimps too. Have Dorothy pour one out for Laura Ingalls Wilder at the Little House on
the Prairie. [6 points]
152.
A Superdelegate. Must superdelegate. [56 points]
153.
A slinky that slinks upstairs. And if you play a video of a slinky going downstairs backwards, I will
pee on you. [25 points]
154.
Your take on a Bedouin Wedding feast. Points per strictly nested at least one inch long vertebrate of
a unique species. Bonus points for species not native to North America. Bonus points for any hugably
cute animal. Bonus points if deep fried. Bonus points if roasted on a spit. Bonus points if wrapped in
bacon (because everything is better wrapped in bacon). Bonus points if John Madden describes how to
open it. Bonus points for real Bedouins. Bonus points for real wedding. Bonus points for each major
world religion banned from partaking. Bonus points if you can demonstrate any animal is genetically
modified. Bonus points if final animal is biting an apple. No points if inedible. Bonus points if we
think it’s tast–e. [75 points, plus up to 50 bonus points †]
155.
The Banker has seen you open cases containing 100,000 and 400,000 points already. He knows that
0.1, 1, 5, and 10 points are all still on the table. So why on Earth did you expect him to offer you more
than 85,000 points for the case you chose? Send one contestant and a team full of spectators to find
out, 7:30pm Thursday in the East Lounge of Ida Noyes. Only please don’t expect us to grow Howie
Mandel goatees. Do we have a deal? [ζ points]
156.
Wichita? Wichita?!? Man, fuck Wichita! [0 points]
1
Contrary to some hopes, a gorilla suit does not a wookiee costume make

157.
Exit, pursued by a bear. [4 points]
158.
Line up five team members, and on the count of three have them stick up as many fingers as they want.
The sum of the fingers up will be integer your team has chosen. The team that has chosen the lowest
integer between 1 and 50 inclusive that no other team picks gets that number of points. Go ahead and
try to arrange how many fingers you’re each going to hold up, if you think it’s going to help you.
159.
Superman has his Fortress of Solitude, the Bat has his Batcave, and Ike has his Place of Meditation.
Respecting the mind of this great military strategist, the Scarecrow seeks out the latter in his endless
quest for a brain. [1.956 points]
160.
Sheet music to the “Ballad of the Wind Fish” for eight instruments. They’d better be the right
instruments, and in the order they are meant to be found. [3 points for the sheet music, 6 points per
instrument, 9 points for the performance]
161.
You’ve already forged something; now go forge something. See which resulting product is more likely
to raise a grade in the course of your choice, and thus whether the pen is indeed mightier than the
sword. [6 points]
162.
America runs on Dunkin’
SM
. So should your vehicle. [15 points, 15 bonus points if remote-controlled]
163.
Passed your OWLS? Breezed through your NEWTS? It’s time you showed off your skills now that
you’re in college! Perform one or more of the following: Wingardium Leviosa, Relashio, Engorgio. If
you really think you have what it takes to do them all, topping it off with a corporeal Patronus should
be a piece of cake. [5 points per spell]
164.
I made this
to please you. But I get the feeling you don’t like it. What’s with all the
screaming? . . . Maybe I used too many monkeys. Isn’t it enough to know I ruined a pony making a
gift for you? [7 points]
165.
Prove to us you are not 21 yet. As a hint, we regard state-issued identification with great skepticism,
but we all know that the fitness test in Wii Sports doesn’t lie. [Not quite 21 points]
166.
You know what Washington State University, the University of Colorado, Auburn University, and
Baylor University all have that we do not? Sports teams named after things found in ZooBooks
R
.
Fix that: we want a ZooBook that teaches kids all about wild Maroons in their natural habitat. [14
points]
167.
This is not the greatest item in the world. This is just a tribute. [1 point]
168.
Gosh, when they said “now you can pick up anything,” they really meant it! Give us a demonstration
for glonous chinese cultual. [3 points per pound, 1 bonus points if it’s someone in a bar]
169.
The most useful thing you can knit out of plastic grocery bags. Demonstrate its utility. [8 points]
170.
ScavenFeast 2k8: the penultimate Top Chef challenge. At 7 PM on Saturday, present a mighty repast
in eX Libris wherein Judges, team cooks, and some element of captaincy might break bread and satisfy
their deepest hungers. Those hungers consisting, of course, of an: I. Appetizer: clearly illustrating
utilization of the latest techniques in molecular gastronomy; II. Entree: featuring a Secret Theme
Ingredient to be revealed at the Samurai Showdown; and III. Dessert: We all know Baked Alaska is
delicious, but so few people are from Alaska it is difficult to find true kinship with the dish. With
that in mind, we would have you prepare Baked [Your Home State], in which you produce a baked
dessert you believe best exemplifies your own state. For all dishes, be prepared to explain yourself and
certainly bring enough to share. [δ points]
171.
“The Devil was in my garden. . . the darker the night, the more like the devil he looks.” Taking great
precaution, the Bat and Dorothy stand beside Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. [3 points]
172.
Double or nothing. Doubles any non-showcase item’s points if it is indeed twice as good as we expect.
Otherwise the item gets no points. Only team captains can invoke this rule.

173.
It seems that House Harkonnen doesn’t have a Capo high chair to match its lovely dining room set.
Fix this oversight. Because, after all, strained peas must flow. [37 points]
174.
London has Angle-Grinder Man, New York has Terrifica, and Mexico City even has Super-Barrio, but
what about our fair Chicago? Assume an original alter ego and perform an unambiguously heroic
service under cover of cape and cowl. Go now! The city needs you! For reals this time! [18 points, 30
bonus points if your proof comes from the front page of a major newspaper]
175.
Did you know that the Bat and Samuel Clemens have shared a childhood trauma? Re-enact the scene
at his father’s law office. [8 points]
176.
Present an appropriate mom with a bumper sticker that says, “My Child is a Nobel Laureate.” I think
you know what font it needs to be in. [20 points]
177.
Have your Wayward Sons link arms and dance down Lincoln Avenue in the appropriate city, to the
appropriate song. [5 points]
178.
At 8:20 am Thursday morning, the hills are alive with the sound of your yodeling. Only there aren’t
any hills ‘round here, so you’ll have to use the roof of a Quads building. [6 poy-da-lay-ee-poy-da-lay-
ee-poy-da-lay-ee-hooints]
179.
A genuine copy of The Pleasure Prison of the B’thuvian Demon Whore. Bring evidence that you have
survived it and displayed a level of sophistication that is beyond the ken of the mere hobbyist gamer.
[1d20 points]
180.
Perform the Scav Hunt Theme Song on a bass using only one hand and a properly worn strap-on dildo.
Be sure not to break a G-string whilst fingering a minor. [15 points]
181.
Egon Spengler, painted in the style of Egon Schiele. [16 points]
182.
On the Road Trip you must head dickedwards, always dickedwards. Show us a sign pointing the way.
[6 points]
183.
You’ve got the munch, the crisp and the crunch, livin’ in the gutter with Grandma. Get us a SBloun-
skched! [14.9 points]
184.
Wearing a black and white striped shirt, a black toque, and a burlap sack full of money with a big
dollar sign on the front, go into that bank. And buy a savings bond. [15 to Life points]
185.
Who for such dainties would not stoop? Serve us four dainties: beautiful soup, agreeable soup, good
soup, and sublime soup. Make each as pure as possible, please. [15 points]
186.
If man had been meant to fly, he would have been given an ornithopter. As it is, you’ll just have to
build one. [25 points]
187.
Hypnotise a willing Judge. . . and by that we mean willing prior to the hypnotism. . . you perverts. [9
points]
188.
The Oz contingent of the Wayward Sons reunite with their lost member in the appropriate museum’s
gift shop, only to find he has grown giant and terrifying. [2 points]
189.
Blood. An ocean of blood. I wonder how many blood drops of blood are in this blood ocean. I wonder
how much is in, uh, in a drop? So, you take this and multiply by the volume of. . . uh. . . the water. . . in
the ocean. . . which is blood. A blood ocean. And I found out now that it — it’s trillions of gallons.
Produce the largest blood ocean, to be placed in individual Capri Sun-like packages in room 5G of the
Duchossois Center for Advanced Medicine, from now through Friday, from 7:30 in the AM to 4:30 in
the blackest PM. Make sure that you feast and drink to the glory of Space Odin before you arrive.
Don’t hold back on us now. Because I KNOW WHO YOU AAAARE! [10 points per visit recorded
by the DCAM]
190.
Everyone in Ellsworth’s historic Cowtown has been transformed into silhouettes by an evil genie. Lift
the curse, but beware the bearcats! [6 points]

191.
Mon, I gotta say dat dose steel pan drums you made are sweet. Wat’s dat you say? You can play
“Misirlou” on dem? Excellent, mon. [30 points]
192.
Have Dorothy, the Cowardly Lion, and the Bat stage a lingerie show outside the Geary County His-
torical Society that puts the one we saw there to shame. [18 points]
193.
The OI could use some traditional cylinder seals with slightly more. . . contemporary messages. Your
team crest, perhaps? It’d better print. It’d better be cylindrical. And of course, it had better be
carved out of stone. [19 points]
194.
Pocket rockets. Pockets made of rockets. Pockets
R
made of rockets. Rockets made of Pockets
R
.
Rockets made of rockets. Pockets made of Pockets
R
. Pockets
R
made of Pockets
R
. [15 points]
195.
A genuine US 20 dollar bill with something other than the White House on the back. [20 points]
196.
Escape from Leavenworth (County). [3 points]
197.
A person’s body signed by members of as many non-UChicago affiliated bands as possible. Photo-
graphic verification of the signing must accompany your team member’s body. [0 points for college
bands. 1 point per member of a local band. 3 points per member of a band on national tour. 10 points
per member of a band on intercontinental tour. 100 points for Sting.]
198.
What’s worse than that balloon in Bartlett? That’s right — having to read an article in The Maroon
about that balloon in Bartlett. I think it’s time it came down, don’t you? [11 points for bringing the
balloon down, 11 points for bringing The Maroon down]
199.
We pick a random item — you tell us what year it came from. [22 points, 22 bonus points if you tell
us the item number]
200.
Leave an origami Batboat in as many fountains in the Country Club Plaza as you can. [2 points per
fountain, limit eight fountains]
201.
It’s been 20 months, but we’re still missing Pluto. Because a Facebook group just isn’t quite enough to
show our degree of mourning, let’s commiserate with a scale model of the Pluto-inclusive solar system.
FYI, Jupiter is not a speck of dust, and Pluto is not a T-cell. So unless you can find me a leukocyte
that looks like Pluto, you’re going to have to try harder. [31 points]
202.
Dave Franklin’s documentary was undeniably a two hour piece of Scav Porn. You think you can do
better? Do you? Do you? You have five minutes: hit me with your best, err, shot. [18 and over
points]
203.
Dorothy teaches the Cowardly Lion the ways of the plains in the Prairie Education Lab while the
World’s Greatest Detective inspects the
blood stained robe parts
in the Smoky Hill Museum. [4
points]
204.
A penny from the Cosmosphere coin press. You know the one we want. [5 points]
205.
You gotta taste this! This is. . . oh, it’s got this kind of. . . mmm, it’s burny, it’s melty. . . it’s not really
a smoky taste. It’s kind of like a certain. . . Psh-ah! It’s got like this “Ba-boom! Zap!” kind of taste.
Don’t you think? What would you call that flavor? Lightningy? Yeah! It’s lightningy! [2 points]
206.
The illustrious Puzzle-Master extraordinaire Professor Layton has come to our curious village! What’s
more, he’ll be at a number of Scav Hunt events! Approach him and you will be granted the chance
to solve one of the vast number of puzzles Layton has encountered in his illustrious career. It goes
without saying that the first to present a solution each time will be rewarded handsomely. [η points]
207.
What would you say if I told you our Scav Hunt Party’s nickname was ‘The Boat’? Now you know
that’s just not true, but what if I told you your Scav Hunt Party’s nickname was ‘The Boat’? [β
points]
208.
The Wayward Sons performing a song from Dark Side of the Moon at the Lincoln Street Station’s
Thursday night karaoke in Wamego. [28 points]

209.
A sepia-toned mirror. [3 points]
210.
The Judges may have come up with the list, but one of these teams is having the Best Scav Ever! It
may not be over yet, but that’s never stopped VH1. Before the judgment of showcase items, give us a
CD or DVD of your interviews reminiscing about this year’s Hunt. [13 points]
211.
The Rules of the Hunt clearly state that we’re aiming for this year’s Judgment to take 45 minutes.
Present us with your analog clocks at the end of Showcase, set at 12:00, so we may plug them in, turn
them on, or put in the given batteries, and return at the end of Judgment to see them reading 12:45.
[10 points]
212.
The Scarecrow must pay proper homage to the grainy goddess atop Wamego Park’s molen. [2 points]
213.
Most of our admins are only in it for the money and the fame. ’Cept that means getting caught up in
the paparazzi. We want your candid photos of admins (Deans, actual VPs, or higher). No causing car
crashes in Paris tunnels, so keep it legal. [2 points per photo, 7 photos max]
214.
22818877@N06
215.
A blank check with a 19
pre-printed in the year field. [3 points]
216.
U.S. currency that has travelled more than 1000 miles and bears a Where’s George?
R
stamp and a
verifiable serial number registered before the Hunt. [6 points]
217.
Have a Nobel Prize winner or “Weird Al” Yankovic witness your organ donor registration. [15 points
for a Nobel laureate, 16 points for “Weird Al”]
218.
Choose one or two of your brethren to help complete The Hall of University Presidents. There had
better not be nine animatronic Sonnenscheins, or else you will all lose. Hard. [9 points, 3 bonus points
for real University presidents, 30 bonus points for actual animatronic robots]
219.
Dorothy with a fellow Chicago escapee from the 1893 Columbian Exposition in Wamego’s Peddicord
Playhouse. [3 points]
220.
Scav Project Runway. Send your fastest designers and your fiercest model to the McCormick Lounge
at noon Friday. Bring your own sewing machines, needles, and thread. Remember models, this is a
competition for you as well. And don’t miss the final judgment at your parties that night, 9pm. [30,
20, and 10 points for the three best designers; 25, 15, and 5 points for the three top models]
221.
Manhunt Mark II: Pac-Man? More like Stack-Man! Send Pac-Man, the Ms., and a Ghost to eX Libris
Thursday night at 11pm.
222.
You know what the kids’ section of ready.gov says about terrorism? “Talk to your parents or teachers
if you have questions about this type of emergency.” Bullshit. Create a new website that gives our
children the straight dope about terrorism. You are free and encouraged to replace all furries with the
sexual fetishists of your choice. [9–11 points]
223.
Victoria amazonica, or any other lily pad strong enough to support the weight of a human. Really we
just want to float around on a naturally-grown, real-life lily pad; we’re not too picky about species.
[14 points]
224.
Hoping to add a cowcatcher to the Batmobile, the Bat examines the Abilene & Smoky Valley Railroad’s
Silver Flyer. [4 points]
225.
Make a dollhouse of your dorm. Please include as much detail as possible. Why should Queen Mary
have all the cool stuff? [81 points]
226.
American Folk Art? More like American Fork Art! Have your Wayward Sons contribute to this
Lucasian landmark and fork the yard. [4k points]

227.
Can we climb the World’s Largest Pecan? No, pecan’t! Can we get a picture in front of the World’s
Largest Pecan? Yes, pecan! [6 points]
228.
Those are, by far, the tallest shoes I’ve ever seen. (No stilts.) [6 points]
229.
So the clapper turns on a light when you clap you say? Well what about a blender that blends when
you growl at it? Sounds like the Dobson Blendie. [18 points]
230.
A photo of your flying house in front of a business in downtown Hannibal that has absolutely nothing
to do with the Mark Twain mythos. [4 points]
231.
What’s the use of releasing a Playmobil Rome when Playmobil didn’t add Caligula’s House of Incest?
Or a few dying Christians for the Colosseum? Or a Vomitorium? [12 points]
232.
http://www.johnwaynecanhascheezburgerpilgrim.com [10 points]
233.
Hasbro’s Pie in the Face
TM
! [19 points]
234.
Catch a few extra rays with your homemade sun jar. [7 points]
235.
Gelato von Bismarck. [5 points]
236.
Bring us an unopened Budweiser & Clamato Chelada tallboy. We got ours at the Conoco station in
Wamego. [26 points]
237.
A book with a fore-edge painting. Not one that you painted, silly — I want a real old book with a real
old fore-edge painting that predates this Hunt by at least 90 years. [13 points]
238.
Bring 25 chocolate coins to Bartlett at 1:15pm Friday. Then, all of you together. . . make it chocolate
rain! [Some stay dry and others get 2 points]
239.
A “Honkies for Harold” button. [5 points, 10 bonus points for any race-baiting pro-Epton parapher-
nalia]
240.
We recommend that your Wayward Sons spend Friday night in Sedan’s Ranch Tel (a.k.a. Ranch Mot).
Ask for the Marilyn Monroe Suite. [33 points]
241.
“Hello. This is the Swedish Chef, and I pronounce University of Chicago Scavenger Hunt ‘University
of Chicago Scavenger Hunt’. Bork bork bork.” [1 point]
242.
A voting receipt from the Democratic Party primary of Guam, Indiana, or North Carolina. [4 points]
243.
Largest paper snowflake. EVAR. [5 points]
244.
Submit, by 6:00pm Saturday, the code to a fully functional Scav Hunt team website. All designs must
be released under the GPL after the Hunt for use by any team that wants one. [30 points for the best,
20 for second, 10 for third]
245.
Who needs two when a monowheel will suffice? [200 points †]
246.
“Look north and visualize covered wagons coming across the Kansas prairie” at the proper location.
Look south and visualize flying houses coming across the Kansas roadway. Little houses have to stick
together. [3 points]
247.
TBA
248.
OHHHHHHHKLAHOMA where the crows come sweeping down the plains! Send the Scarecrow to
repulse them using his fear gas. [8 points]
249.
Lockheed SR-71A Blackbird? More like Lockheed SR-71A Batbird! Make it so at the Cosmosphere.
[4 points]
250.
Which Russian mayor visited Arthur Bryant’s on October 24, 2001, and which Lethal Weapon star
appears directly above him? [2 points]

251.
The Purple Plunderer has perpetrated a plurality of pilferages in the precinct. Protect your precious
proscribed prizes from the plots of this peacocked purloiner. Each participating party must present their
prepared prizes (per parameters below)
2
to the Purveyors of Points at 8:30 am at the Preliminary Parley
of Participants. Once properly approved, the purse must be present at all public proceedings, and
placed on a pedestal in public view in your parties’ private depository when not otherwise preoccupied.
The Purple Plunderer will penetrate your perimeter, purposed on possessing your prize. If he is in the
act of pillaging but before he parts your pad, simply pipe the words, “The Purple Plunderer is pinching
our prize!” and you will prevent the perfidity. Plus, the proverb is more than platitude, it proves to be
a prophylactic for a period of 24 hours, proof against any more pirating on the part of the Plunderer.
Proffer your prize at Judgment to procure points. [20 points for remaining unplundered, 2 points for
presenting your prize]
252.
Find a small town Kansan church where you believe dancing to be banned and do the Batusi in front
of it. The night is yours! [9 points]
253.
A cake representing the Scav cosmogeny: the world, held up by an elephant, held up by a tortoise,
held up by Scav Hunt (it’s Scav Hunt all the way down!) [22 points]
254.
A seven piece suit. [7 piece points]
255.
Tubaphone. It’s not just a tuba. . . [12 points]
256.
Turn a standard paper letter envelope inside out without tearing it. We will provide the envelope at
Judgment. [6 points]
257.
A pipe that can both blow bubbles and smoke tobacco. [3 points, 7 bonus points if it can do both
at the same time. Double bonus points if it can blow bubbles filled with smoke. As a University of
Chicago scholar, you can accomplish this]
258.
A tar gun. A feather gun. [18 points]
259.
Scavbarnraising! By noon Friday, erect a barn around a CTA bus stop. [X28 points]
260.
Build a working lightbulb from scratch. [21 points]
261.
A nail. [33 points]
262.
Granma. English, French, Spanish. [6 points per copy in a different language, 10 bonus points for each
dated during the Hunt]
263.
A copy of the 10
th
edition of the Encyclopaedia Britannica. [26 points]
264.
That Heimlich Maneuver poster with the guy coughing up a lobster. [5 points]
265.
Don’t let that crusty old dean get you down. Build a bra bomb and show him that college is about
fun (take that, Bitterman!) [18 points]
266.
You know that professor who hates you, or maybe just gave you a bad grade? Well, why wound his
body with bullets when you can set his soul afire with a slanderous mambo? Let us listen, if we will,
to your revenge. Uno, dos, tres! [Catorce points]
267.
“No cheese? Are you retarded? I’m the goddamn Batman!” Give him what he wants on a hamburger
at Salina’s Cozy Inn. [13 points]
268.
A car horn that plays “La Cucaracha”. [7 points]
269.
A can of baked beans that we put by the warning light on 57th and Woodlawn. And by that, we mean
you should be running to get it. Right now. [5 points]
2
Prizes must be both portable (both in proportions and poundage) and procurable (neither padlocked nor protected by
alarm)